Rant for an Otherwise Fine Day
By Jaeger


So, what the hell is the deal with the constant spitting and horking in the streets anyway? Now, I don’t want to go off on a rant here but, fuck! The sun is out, the grass is green, there is a slight breeze blowing, and then from out of seemingly nowhere: hworrk – sput! Every moronic ass-clown with his ball cap on backwards is hocking up great loogies, or just spitting for the sake of spitting! What the hell is the deal? Have all these twits suddenly lost all control of their salivary glands or something? What gives? I can’t walk three freaking blocks in this town without some yahoo with less than one brain cell to his credit, spitting in my path, or behind me, or beside me! Jeezus, didn’t your parents teach you any fucking MANNERS?! Would you spit on the floor in your HOME? I have no choice but to think you all probably would!
And another thing is it just me or have all the looney bins suddenly unlocked their doors and let all the nut-bars out to roam the streets? Man, not a day goes by, NOT A DAY when I don’t get some fruit-cake screeching, or mumbling some crazy-assed shit at me as I’m walking to school, or out trying to enjoy a pleasant evening stroll. The other day, for example, some nut-job fuck-o (who is leaned up against building, cunningly hiding beneath a second floor balcony) just starts shouting at me. Really! He’s all, “youfuckencocksuckermotherfuckenfuck…” “Fuck you dipshit!” I growl back at him. This sends him into frenzy, and he tries to jump to his feet the whole time screeching “FUCKENFUCKERMOTHERCOCKSUCKERFAGGOTFUCK!!!!!!!!” He flops back down, unable to stand for more than a few seconds in his dementia, and I keep walking and shaking my head. Time to up the medication jack!

The Little Company That Could
By
Jaeger

Once upon a time there was a small, Western Canadian company. Three guys in the railway industry, who were tired of working for The Man, got together and built aftermarket electronics for trains and were successful for about twenty–five years. People liked working for the three guys because they were kind, and generous, and always gave nice holiday bonus’ and threw the best parties and BBQs for their employees. Many employees would comment that it was more like a family than a company, and this was true. One day a BIG CORPORATION from the States decided they were tired of losing business to this small, uppity, family based company, so they decided to buy it. They offered a heap of cash to the three guys and they accepted happily. The three guys then gave BIG bonus cheques to everybody that worked at the Little Red Train Company and said thank you and good bye. The workers at the Little Red Train Company were a little nervous. The day the takeover was announced, the BIG CORPORATION told everyone that there would be absolutely NO DOWNSIZING OR LAYOFFS under any circumstances. This made the employees very happy. Then five weeks later, the BIG CORPORATION laid-off half of the staff of the Little Red Train Company and gave the work to their own people in the United States. This made the employees of the Little Company very sad. A year passed, and the Little Red Train Company was doing better than ever and had even brought back some of the people the BIG CORPORATION had gotten rid of and was wondering what would happen next. Out of nowhere, an even BIGGER MEGA-CORPORATION swallowed up the BIG CORPORATION like a whale straining plankton. The BIGGER MEGA-CORPORATION didn’t quite know what to do with the little train company because it already had several other companies in its massive belly that made a lot of the same products. Unfortunately for the BIGGER MEGA-CORPORATION, the Little Red Train Company made the best products in the industry, and MANY customers told them that they wouldn’t buy from them anymore if they shut down the Little Red Train Company. A few years later there was an industry wide downturn and every company within the BIGGER MEGA-CORPORATION was making very little money, except for the Little Red Train Company who was in fact experiencing RECORD HIGH SALES for the third year running! At every monthly meeting the managers of the Little Red Train Company would tell the employees that everything was just fine, because as far as they knew it was. Then one day, BIG BOSS BOB showed up and told everyone in the Little Red Train Company that he had mixed feelings. This made people very nervous. “We’re boned!” Said someone from the back of the room – then there was silence. BIG BOSS BOB then told everyone that they had all just been made redundant. Yes, BIG BOSS BOB said that the MAJOR SHAREHOLDERS had decided to shut down the Little Red Train Company because it didn’t look good for a little Subsidiary to be propping up Head Office which was losing money. So they took all the money making products away from the Little Red Train Company (keeping the product labels so the customers wouldn’t know the difference), fired the employees and sold off the assets. So remember kids, the only advantage to being a Little fish inside a BIG fish inside a BIGGER fish is that sometimes it takes a little longer to be digested!